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Research Reveals Potential End to Mutant Space Creature's Reign

Mutant space cats, a constant threat to our safety and sanity, may be a thing of the past if sources on Marilan are to be believed. Researchers have discovered a way to repel the creatures from known space, theoretically utilizing nothing but existing FTL, communication, and space marker beacons. The Galactic News had the opportunity to interview one of the researchers, who had this to say:

"We've been working closely with Hale researchers for a while now. I mean... people are bringing corpses in like crazy, you know. It's providing a lot of useful data. But at some point, you have to start thinking about guns. And who better than the Hale?"

He continued: "So we brought in a shipload of corpses and got to work. Those guys at the Institute on Outreach are really clever, you know? But I don't need to tell you that. They had all sorts of crazy ideas of how to repel these creatures, and let me tell you, some of them were positively gruesome. Well, there was this one fellow... Bart Smithers or something, some intern, and he tripped over a communicator and landed face first into an open corpse. Poor kid. Anyway, it was like a lightbulb in the room to use existing technology to do the work."

When questioned further, the researcher declined to provide specifics as to how the technology would work. At this time we know nothing of the long-term effectiveness or safety of the plan, but we do know that it is being actively implemented after the alliances reached an agreement to provide limited access to the crucial technologies that power modern life.

The Galactic News will report additional developments as they become available.

Nota Barelz
Senior Reporter

Dated: 12/24/2360

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